hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
