Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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