dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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