I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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