I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
