If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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