evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
