The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
