she looked like the before picture.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
