He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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