You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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