GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
