I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
