I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
