Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
operation have a gay friend backfired
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
