apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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