Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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