Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
