so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
