you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
