...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
