I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We got so high we made milksteak
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
