So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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