Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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