just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
