i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
