As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
