the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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