so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
