We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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