He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
