she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
