I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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