I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
