you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
