i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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