im having a threesome with these popsicles
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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