Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
