I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
