My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
high people should be assigned attendants
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
