I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
