One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
