Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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