Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
