I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
