after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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