i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
