No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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