matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
