If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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